I spent most of the last two days looking through people's blogs and facebook and texting. It was through a text that I found out a friend died, a baby was lost, and that people are "OK". Through blogs and facebook I found out how others are dealing with the painful events of the last two days; the death of friend, the loss of a baby and the anniversary of a child's death. While going though blogs and facebook gives me an incite into how people are dealing with their pain, I start to wonder about the old fashion of finding this information out. Meeting face to face to talk about it. We need to have personal emotional connections. Is talking face to face better or worse? Sometimes the pain is too great to discuss it openly and this is where blogging and texting makes it easier to share the news and feelings without the agony of telling that person in person. It can be too difficult to talk about while holding back tears and exposing our raw emotions. We somehow feel that we shouldn't show that much emotion with other people. That it is somehow wrong to show how much you are hurting when you see others hurting even more around you. It's difficult to show that you are scared and feel hopeless when you are supposed to be stronger than that... So maybe blogging is a way for people to release their feelings of pain, hurt, and anger all the while still guarding themselves. I know it is easier for me to type how I am feeling through my tears and anguish than to talk about it. I still can't mention Andy without crying and if I have to tell someone, even through the phone, a huge lump gathers in my throat, and I can barely get the words out. It hurts to think of the lost babies. But somehow writing it is less painful...somehow it makes it just that tiny bit better to share a lit bit of ourselves with written words rather than brokenhearted spoken ones. So share your emotions and your pain in person to those closest to you and don't be afraid to share your raw emotions since it is necessary to have these personal connections but also let others in your life through the key stokes on your keypad... Everyone deals differently with grief and however you chose to deal with it and share it, whether it is in person or in a blog, it's the right way...as long as you are not bottling your emotions. Getting your emotions out through any means is the most important...
The last two days have been very difficult. I have seen and done so much crying that it doesn't seem possible. A friend dies too soon and there is no cure for the ache left inside. I almost smirk as I write this because how can I talk about my pain compared to the pain his wife and children must feel and his family and close friends. I hope they they know we are all praying for them...The wake and the funeral were difficult but very lovely. Andy looked so peaceful as he laid in his last resting place. The heartache observed was almost too much to bare. The funeral was very touching. The weather was beautiful as if God smiled upon Andy's family so they can say goodbye on a nice beautiful day...as beautiful as Andy was... There were so many people who showed up. So many people loved him. He was truly a great human being to have touched so many lives. He leaves behind a legacy of being a great husband, father, relative and friend but most importantly as a great human being who had to gift of always making you laugh...this is how I will remember you Andy; with a great big smile on your face. Rest in peace...
Posts
